One of the most transformative ways therapy can foster health and healing in both an individual and their family system is by encouraging deeper reflection on the motivations behind our actions. This kind of reflective work invites us to look beyond surface-level behaviors, helping us understand and question them at a deeper level.

As we approach the New Year, many people start thinking about setting goals.

Often, these goals take the form of behavior modification statements, such as:

“I want to work out three times a week for the next year.”

“I want to save more money from every paycheck.”

“I want to build more friendships in my workplace.”

“I’d like to start a new hobby.”

“I’d like to quit smoking.”

However, there seems to be a growing cultural cynicism around New Year’s resolutions. Why? Because year after year, these promises to self often create a sense of pressure, without leading to real, lasting results.

What if, instead of focusing solely on behavior modification, we took time to reflect more deeply and sincerely on the year that just ended? What if we paused to notice what we truly valued, what we learned about ourselves and others, and used those insights to guide us toward a life rooted in values-based, sustainable change? By beginning with reflection and aligning our goals with what matters most, we can create intentions that feel meaningful and impactful, rather than fleeting or burdensome.

Here are two question categories to get you started on this reflection process for the New Year:

When did I feel most myself this year? Who was I around? What was I doing? What was I thinking? What value does this reveal that I have?

When did I feel most drained this year? Who was I around? What was I doing? What was I thinking? What value does this reveal that I have?

If a value is revealed in the process of journaling and reflecting that surprises you, what steps can you take to explore this value further? If you are surprised to learn that you value what others think more than you thought, for example, perhaps you’d like to choose a habit for the New Year that helps you learn more about what you think in various situations and circumstances, like journaling or processing your thoughts with a therapist.

Interested in diving into this kind of reflection further, in a dedicated space, with a small community of people? If you live in the Chicagoland area, I’d encourage you to check out Restoration Center Chicago’s workshop on January 18th, called New Year’s Reset.