If you had to choose, would you say you’re a good person – or a nice one? The two aren’t always the same, and confusing them can come at a cost. While not mutually exclusive, many of my Christian clients (or those who were raised in Christian environments) conflate the two or mistake one for the other, often resulting in guilt, shame, anxiety, and more. In Part 1, we’ll define both terms, identify common misconceptions, and look at biblical examples to clarify which type of person we are called to be: good or nice.

Definitions

Good – 1. morally excellent; virtuous; righteous; pious. 2. Satisfactory in quality, quantity, or degree.

Nice – 1. pleasing; agreeable; delightful. 2. of benevolent nature or disposition (dictionary.com, 2025).

Misconceptions in Christianity

In a genuine attempt to be moral, Christians search for ways to live rightly. The Bible contains many directions to assist in that very endeavor: The Ten Commandments, the Beatitudes, and the Fruits of the Spirit to name a few.

These directions are interpreted by people of all ages, ethnicities, and occupations. But interpretation is never neutral. Our experiences, culture, church background, and even gender can deeply influence how we apply scripture. If we’re not careful, these influences can turn guidance into “rules” rather than “principles” based on biblical truth.

Rules like “a good Christian should never make others uncomfortable” or “I should always be polite” discourage healthy disagreements and assertiveness. Ultimately, they confuse passivity with righteousness.

In other words, many Christians equate being good with being nice. Unfortunately, the cost inevitably becomes truth, integrity, or their well-being. Let’s look at a few misunderstood scriptures where people have common misconceptions and contrast them with Jesus’ actions.

Biblical Examples

Matthew 5:9 – “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (NASB, 2020).

Rule: “I should never make others uncomfortable or upset them.”

This is a rule that assumes peace means avoiding conflict or hard conversations – placing emotional comfort above truth.

Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (NASB, 2020).

Rule: I’m responsible for other people’s pain and well-being.

This rule encourages compassion, but it’s twisted into a sort of moral obligation to take on others’ emotional or physical loads, even at the expense of one’s own needs and boundaries.

Matthew 5:39 – “But I say to you, do not show opposition against an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also.” (NASB, 2020).

Rule: I’m offended, but I just need to absorb it and stay quiet.

This rule prioritizes compliance to the other person over boundaries that deepen trust. It discourages confrontation and implies there is virtue in silence.

While these interpretations can sound virtuous, they blur what is good with what is nice.

Jesus didn’t just teach the truth, he acted it out. Let’s look at how he navigated these with “principles” rather than “rules.”

“I should never make others uncomfortable or upset them.”

John 2:15 – “And he made a whip of cords, and drove them all out of the temple area with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables” (NASB, 2020).

There’s some debate on how the whip of cords was used. Was it used to guide the livestock out like we walk our dogs on a leash or was it more forceful? Did he use it on the money changers as well as the livestock? (Borchert, 1996). Either way, he disrupted social norms.

Principle: Jesus, the sinless Son of God, was more concerned in this particular moment about what was morally good rather than what was socially nice – showing us that what is morally right sometimes requires upsetting social comfort.

“I’m responsible for other people’s pain and well-being.”

Matthew 10:14 – “And whoever does not receive you nor listen to your words, as you leave that house or city, shake the dust off your feet.” (NASB, 2020).

This verse was about Jesus sending out his disciples to preach the truth, but they were rejected. The disciples were to respectfully sever ties with those who rejected the truth (Morris, 1992).

Principle: Individuals retain agency to make their own decisions, and they alone bear responsibility for their choices.

“This person just offended me, but I just need to absorb it and stay quiet.”

John 18:22-23 – “But when He said this, one of the officers, who was standing nearby, struck Jesus saying, ‘Is that the way you answer the high priest?’ Jesus answered him, ‘If I have spoken wrongly, testify of the wrong; but if rightly, why do you strike me?'” (NASB, 2020).

While speaking with the High Priest, Jesus was struck by an officer who didn’t like his response. But Jesus didn’t stay silent. He respectfully confronted the injustice.

Principle: One can assertively and respectfully confront unjust treatment without escalating the situation.

If “rules” inhibit assertiveness and confuse passivity with righteousness, then “principles” encourage assertiveness, respect personal agency, and establish clear boundaries that allow for more trust. While Jesus exemplified humility, patience, and kindness – qualities often associated with being nice – he consistently prioritized moral goodness. He spoke truth even when it was uncomfortable, respected individuals’ freedom to accept or reject his message, and confronted injustice and hypocrisy directly. In other words, he modeled courageous love and principled assertiveness rather than passive politeness. He was never afraid to be nice, but he was guided by what was good.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where we’ll explore how guilt, shame, and anxiety often creep in when we adhere to these “rules” rather than “principles.”

Borchert, G. L. (1996). John 1-11 (Vol. 25A, pp. 164-165). Broadman & Holman Publishers.

Morris, L. (1992). The Gospel according to Matthew (p. 250). W.B. Eerdmans; Inter-Varsity Press.

New American Standard Bible (Mt 5:9). (2020). The Lockman Foundation.

New American Standard Bible (Ga 6:2). (2020). The Lockman Foundation.

New American Standard Bible (Mt 5:39). (2020). The Lockman Foundation.

New American Standard Bible (Jn 2:15). (2020). The Lockman Foundation.

New American Standard Bible (Mt 10:14). (2020). The Lockman Foundation.

New American Standard Bible (Jn 18:22-23). (2020). The Lockman Foundation.