We’ve all heard people say that we should “face our fears.” What these sages don’t usually tell us is why. The short answer is that our brains – and consequently, our bodies – react very differently when we approach risky or stressful situations head-on rather than avoiding them.

Since stressors in life are inevitable, we can’t avoid them entirely. When we talk about facing our fears, we’re essentially talking about choosing how we handle stressful or intimidating situations that trigger fear. In doing so, we’re fundamentally left with two options: acknowledge them and face them voluntarily or let them blindside us and face them involuntarily.

When fear and stress blindside us, research shows that the parts of our brain responsible for assessing threats and triggering fight-or-flight responses become extremely active (Kredlow, 2021). Conscious, rational decision-making slows way down (Rao, 2008). The visual processing regions of our brain kick in to help identify threats (Rao, 2008). Our bodies shift into overdrive, making even simple tasks exhausting. Additionally, our reward center becomes less active, leaving us feeling drained and as though our efforts were pointless (Imajo, 2024).

On the flip side, when we voluntarily confront our fears – those situations we typically dread – our brains respond very differently. Rational decision-making centers activate, moderating our stress response and making it more manageable (Rao, 2008). While visual processing regions still seek out threats, our emotional control improves, enabling more precise threat detection and strategic planning (Kredlow, 2021). Crucially, our reward center also becomes more active, providing a boost of positive feelings as we progress toward or achieve our goals (Rao, 2008). Knowing this about our brains can help us see why tackling our fears proactively is such a powerful strategy in everyday life.

What does all this mean in the real world?

First, I want to acknowledge that there are times that we genuinely get caught off-guard. Those moments are tough, and our best response is to shift from a reactive (involuntary) state to a proactive (voluntary) one as quickly as possible.

More often, however, we are fully aware of problems that are coming our way – difficult conversations we need to have, impending financial burdens, medical concerns we’ve been avoiding, etc. Yet we choose not to face them. These are what I want to focus on here.

When we ignore our problems, our brains don’t just quietly let them pass by – they respond automatically, often making things worse. According to Compas et al. (2005), those automatic responses will typically choose to engage with the stress through:

• Rumination – Replaying an event over and over asking ourselves things like “Why did they say that?” or “I never get things right.”
• Intrusive thoughts – Unwanted spontaneous and distressing thoughts that enter our minds such as making an embarrassing mistake during a performance or a meeting.
• Exaggerated emotions – Sudden, overwhelming feelings of sadness, anxiety or panic.
• Exaggerated physical reactions – Symptoms like rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, dizziness, or digestive issues.

If those automatic responses don’t want to engage, they’ll try to disengage using:

• Emotional numbing – Feelings detached, empty, or disconnected.
• Cognitive interference – Difficulty concentrating, being forgetful, or losing your train of thought.
• Inaction – Feeling paralyzed, not addressing responsibilities.
• Escape – Leaving situations abruptly, sleeping excessively, or mindlessly distracting yourself.

Unchecked, these automatic responses can increase risks of disease, mental illness, and even death.

The good news is, we don’t have to be stuck on autopilot. We can actively choose healthier ways to manage stressors by facing them voluntarily. That means we are actively changing the situation or our emotional responses through strategies such as:

• Problem-solving – Trying to figure out the solution; asking “How can I fix this?”
• Emotional expression – Sharing your feelings with someone or writing them out to better understand and address emotions, e.g., “This really hurt me, Did you mean it that way?”
• Emotional regulation – Calming ourselves down using techniques like deep breathing or prayer.

For the situations we can’t change, effective responses include:

• Acceptance – Acknowledging what we can’t change. “I’m getting old, but I have valuable life experience to share.”
• Intentional distraction – Choosing to briefly disengage from the stress to focus on positive or neutral thoughts such as taking a break from work to listen to your favorite music in order to relax.
• Cognitive restructuring – Changing how you view the situation to find positive or meaningful aspects. “My boss is terrible at strategizing in advance, but that gives me an opportunity to fill that need and work towards a promotion.”
• Positive thinking – Encouraging yourself and choosing hope. “This is really hard right now, but I know it won’t last forever. I can get through this.” (Compas et al., 2005).

Hardship is inevitable. You may think you can avoid it, but you can’t. If you don’t face it proactively, you’ll eventually be blindsided. The resulting shock can be devastating and you’ll still have to deal with the issue in a more disoriented state. So why not face the challenges head-on – on your terms, at a time you choose, when you’re calmer and have a clear strategy in mind? The time to act is now. The next best time? Right now.

Face your fears.

You don’t have to do this alone. Find strength in numbers. One option is finding a therapist. Therapy can be a great way to break patterns of avoiding fear and establishing new, intentional ones. If you’re in Illinois, check us out at Restoration Center Chicago.

Compas, B. E., Champion, J. E., & Reeslund, K. (2005). Coping with Stress: Implications for Preventive Interventions with Adolescents. The Prevention Researcher, 12(3), 17.

Imajo, N., Matsuzaki, Y., Kobayashi, A., Sakaki, K., Nouchi, R., & Kawashima, R. (2024). Self-Choice Emotion Regulation Enhances Stress Reduction: Neural Basis of Self-Choice Emotion Regulation. Brain Sciences, 14(11), 1077. 10.3390/brainsci14111077

Kredlow, A. M., Fenster, R. J., Laurent, E. S., Ressler, K. J., & Phelps, E. A. (2021). Prefrontal cortex, amygdala, and threat processing: implications for PTSD. Neuropsychopharmacology (New York, N.Y.), 47(1), 247-259. 10.1038/s41386-021-01155-7

Rao, H., Korczykowski, M., Pluta, J., Hoang, A., & Detre, J. A. (2008). Neural correlates of voluntary and involuntary risk taking in the human brain: An fMRI Study of the Balloon Analog Risk Task (BART). NeuroImage, 42(2), 902-910. 10.1016/j.neuroimage.2008.05.046